A Journey of Faith

Over the last few months it has become painfully obvious to me that the Lord is testing/stretching/growing my faith. As far as spiritual gifts go, faith has always been low on my list. Maybe this is related to the realist in me (Joe says I'm pessimistic, I say I just keep reality in check). Joe, on the other hand, is a man of great faith and I am honored and blessed to have such an amazing husband.

Faith is something we all need. I have always known that I needed more faith and wanted more faith. I've noticed that often when we pray for God to grow some area of our life he does so using dramatic events or circumstances.

When I was in college, I told God that I was willing to go anywhere to serve Him just please not the Northeastern U.S. or California. Naturally, those are the places that He lead me.

I think since Joe arrived here in San Francisco he's wanted to stay. I have been more hesitant in that desire. He was talking about it our first year of marriage but once we knew Sophie Grace was on the way I was 100% against moving into SF one day. There is no way I was going to raise my family in, gasp, the city.

Joe graduated this past December and I will this coming December. We feel called to collegiate ministry and it makes the most sense to begin that ministry/go wherever that is in time for the start of the fall semester. Knowing I had only one class left for the fall semester and that I could take that class online if needed, we began the search for a position in collegiate ministry. We started this process in January and I conceeded enough to allow staying in SF to be an option. Joe sent his resume to multiple states and we had one interview. We considered returning to Upstate New York, where we met, but ruled that out after a visit left us without peace about that option. The problem with San Francisco is the money. The cost of living is very high and if we wanted to stay here we knew that the only option for a salary was to raise support.

I had a conversation with my sweet friend Ellen a few months ago and she was sharing with me about how the Lord was teaching her about submitting to her husband. Ugh. I definitely am not good at that and I definitely knew as we were talking the Holy Spirit was speaking to me.

I play this game with God. I know where He is leading me and I push it away. If it is not what I think I want I like to pretend I don't know that's where He's leading me. So I came to Joe and I told him that I needed to submit to him. I told him that if he felt that we were supposed to stay in San Francisco, I would trust his leadership in that. If San Francisco is supposed to be the only option then I trust him to stop pursuing the others.

Almost immediately things started falling in place for staying in San Francisco. I felt bad that I had been holding us back. I knew in my heart it was right. It felt good to surrender and it felt peaceful.

And so God started me, and our family, on this journey of faith, faith that He will provide. In order to stay here we have to raise our own support. Last week Joe went to Louisville to go to Support School. We have been accepted by the North America Mission Board to be Mission Service Corp missionaries in San Francisco. We are going to be starting up a new campus ministry (Southern Baptist) at San Francisco State University. We have a LOT of funds to raise and so we are beginning to develop partners.

I am honestly scared. But at the same time I have this overwhelming peace because I know that this is where God wants us to be. So I am being forced to trust that He is going to provide. This process is humbling as well as faith-building. We are seeking out as many individuals as we can think of to share our story and vision for ministry at SFSU and asking them if they would be willing to partner with us financially.

I think it was the mother in me that fought this so hard. I want to make sure that we are taking care of our children. Doing something that seems so risky would be a lot easier if it were just Joe and I. But we have Sophie Grace and now we have Liam. This is a huge step of faith.

Liam, that sweet little surprise, has actually been another confirmation that we are supposed to stay here. We are getting involved with so many doctors and eventually therapists that it would be frustrating to find new people we trust somewhere else. And, this is a place with amazing resources and support for families of children with special needs. We are in such a good place.

I know this journey of faith will continue indefinitely as we search out partners in our ministry. I hope it always continues and I think it will because Liam is a journey of faith himself. I need more faith. Staying in San Francisco and being mommy to this special boy are stretching and growing and even testing my faith beyond anything I ever imagined.