Giving Up

I am giving up. I have to. In order to accept the path laid before me I have to give up. Joe and I aren't doing anything that anyone else in our situation who is a loving parent and Christ follower wouldn't do. I truly believe that. I think when you haven't walked in someone's shoes it is hard to understand what they are going through. Not everyone knows what it means to have a child with special needs. I don't really know what that means yet. All we can do at this point is anticipate what this journey will look like.

Liam looks no different than any other newborn. He is actually looking more and more like his sister. They definitely have similar faces, especially the sleeping newborn face. It is hard for me to look at that precious baby boy and think about the fact that his brain is not going to develop the way most do. He is beautiful and sweet and so perfect to me. How can things we don't even see write a make-up for him that is so different from ours?


I am giving up. I cannot dwell on these things. If I did, I am sure I would spiral into a deep depression or I would go crazy. All I can do is give up and accept "the peace of God, which transcends all understanding," and "will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."(Philippians 4:7)

I think for the first time ever I finally understand what Jesus meant for us when he said, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30) I have never been able to let Jesus give me rest. I struggle with feeling like I have to do it myself. What Liam is already teaching me is that I cannot do it myself. I have to give up and learn from Jesus and rest in Him. I am excited about the place I believe this journey with Liam is going to take me in my personal relationship with the Lord. So I will start by accepting that Jesus wants me to rest in Him completely.

This brings freedom. We have barely started walking this unexpected path and already I am learning so much. We have freedom in Christ. Freedom from sin and all that entails. We will walk this path with Liam because our world is fallen. But we don't have to walk it alone and we don't have to be held captive by it. My Savior has set me free and I will not be chained our held captive by this.

So I am giving up. I am letting go and I am clinging to the only hope we have. I am clinging to the rest I have in my Savior and the freedom He brings.