A Path Not Chosen

April 21, 2011 changed our lives forever, but not in the way having a child typically does. We joyfully welcomed a son, Liam James Fraser, at 3:23am that Thursday morning completely shocked that the daughter we thought we would be welcoming was actually Liam. That in itself was a surprise full of mixed emotions. We had become attached to "Ruthie" since our 20 week ultrasound and in a way felt that we mourned her loss. At the same time we were incredibly excited that we had a son. Basically from the moment of his arrival, Liam's life pointed us down a road we did not anticipate.

Liam only weighed 5lbs 12oz even though he was a week late. Sophie Grace weighed over 8lbs a week early and this was cause for some concern to the doctors. They decided to run some blood tests on Liam just to make sure he was completely healthy. One of these tests was a genetic chromosome test. After seeing Liam's progress in the hospital the doctors were not expecting anything other than a normal result to come back from that test. On April 28, when Liam was one week old I received a phone call from the geneticist's office with the results. A normal male has 46 chromosomes and the sex chromosomes are XY. Liam has 49 chromosomes and those extra ones are X's. He is XXXXY.

Not normal. I felt like my world was crashing down around me. Joe was at work and had plans to attend a meeting for our future ministry position that night but I needed him at home. I could not stop crying. They didn't give me much information on the phone but did tell me that this very rare syndrome meant Liam would have physical and mental deficiencies. Friends came and took Sophie Grace for a bit so we could process. We of course googled the syndrome but did not allow ourselves to read too much. We had an appointment with the geneticist on Tuesday and decided it would be better to wait for that appointment to get most of our information.

This is a path we never thought we would walk. Who really imagines their baby being born anything other than healthy and normal? But we will walk this path. It is not a choice but we have to make some choices in order to determine what this walk will look like.

We believe with our whole hearts that God is the Creator and giver of life. Why he chose us to parent Liam is beyond us, but we are honored. God would not have given this precious boy to us if He did not intend it and know that Joe and I were the ones Liam needs. So we are prepared for this road to be hard but we are prepared to be blessed. We know that we absolutely cannot parent this child without fully depending on God. I do not think I have ever felt such a desire to draw near to God or understood so clearly how desperately I need Him.

There is no doubt in our minds that Sophie Grace is going to be the perfect big sister to Liam. She is a special little girl and she has a special little brother. We are so excited to see how they are shaped by each other.

We are not ignorant of the stress that having a child with these kinds of needs puts on the marriage relationship. As we welcome Liam into our family and walk this path we are praying that this will only grow us closer to one another and strengthen our marriage.

We need the support of our family and friends as we walk this path. We need your prayers most of all. If you want to learn more about Liam's syndrome please check out these websites:

www.xxxxysyndrome.com

www.RareChromo.org

This syndrome has varying degrees of severity and we won't know what it will look like in Liam until he is older and we see how he is growing and learning. There is nothing that either of us did that made this happen. Everyone has the same chance of having a son with this syndrome as anyone else. It is not hereditary and extremely unlikely that any other children we might have any kind of chromosomal syndrome. This is one of those random, "freak" things that can happen to anyone.

We are so in love with this baby boy. He is a healthy newborn and we are enjoying having him in our lives. We are learning already that we need to take this a day at a time and little by little in order to not feel overwhelmed. My initial reaction was one of hopelessness and a wish to wake up and find it was all a dream. Or I hoped that we might go to our appointment this morning and the geneticist apologize because they gave us the wrong results. But this is our son. This is Liam. We love him just the way God made him because he was perfectly made. God does not make mistakes. Liam is not a mistake and we won't wish him to be anyone other than who God has made him.

This Sunday is Mother's Day and I must confess it will feel completely different for me than it did last year. I feel like I am journeying into a whole different level of motherhood. I think it will be an incredibly emotional day. Our church is having a baby dedication service and we are so excited to be dedicating Liam to the Lord. For those of you in the Bay Area, we would love for you to join us at 10:15am on Sunday morning at First Baptist Church San Francisco for the baby dedication if that is a way you'd like to support us.

When I named this blog I never imagined that it would take on even more meaning than I originally thought it did. A good friend once told me that joy is a prayerful choice and Joe and I have promised to one another that we are going to choose joy. So the quest most certainly continues but it continues down a path we did not choose. We really hope that any of you reading this will join us on our journey. We would appreciate your prayers for our family. We hope and pray that our story and our son will bring glory to God.