An Overwhelming Weight

Sometimes the weight overwhelms me...

The bad. The ugly. The SIN.

The darkness inside runs deep. It festers and seeps out. It encroaches on and is intent on extinguishing the light. The overflow spills out and reveals itself. And guilt and shame threaten to hold me down. Instinct bids me hide. The retreat allows the darkness to grow, or is it the light diminishing? 

And so I'm overwhelmed. It is bad. Ugly. SIN. 

"Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst." ~ 1 Timothy 1:15

I am the worst. 

It steadily resounds within me. It cripples and is a wicked thief. I'm robbed of contentment, confidence, and joy. And even worse, I shove the gift away. I don't trust. I don't accept. I am the worst.

But the Giver refuses to let go. 

The power of the gift is too great to resist. It whispers soft and warm and light. 

GRACE. 

Grace born out of a love so deep I cannot comprehend it. Manifested in a sacrifice so great it crushes. And ultimately it remains a power indescribable. 

"For the word of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." ~ 1 Corinthians 1:18

"Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners..."

It is undeserved. I strive to make myself worthy. To deserve the gift. But I cannot attain it. I struggle to see past my sin. It is an ugly and selfish place to be. It is DARK. 

But the Giver is faithful. He is faithful when I am not. He faithfully reminds me that I have accepted His gift. In the dark and in the striving the power of grace whispers light.

"'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.'" ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9

His grace is enough. He is enough. His power is enough. And confession brings in light to dispel the darkness. And repentance lifts the crushing weight of guilt and shame and regret. And His grace pours out and over and in.

And I am overwhelmed by the weight of His love.