But this week is one packed with emotion and memories that leave me reeling from anxiety, stress, and everything you aren't supposed to feel when you bring your newborn baby home.
Joe and I knew that something may be going on with our new baby boy. We told only two other couples what was going on with our baby. We did not tell our families even though my mom was staying with us. We decided there was no reason to worry them when we didn't know for sure. The test we were waiting for was the genetic karyotype.
Honestly, I was trying to get used to being home with 2 kids and accepting the son who had shown up instead of the daughter we thought was coming. I don't remember being worried during the week we waited. Everyone at the hospital was confident the results would be normal and were apologizing to us for doing the test in the first place.
I wish things hadn't gone down the way they did. The first 6 hours of Liam's life were an absolute nightmare. But I cannot take it back. I feel confident that if it weren't for an overly dramatic nurse named John who succeeded in creating a chaotic post-partum situation, we would not have a diagnosis. Without a diagnosis we would not have early intervention and my Human Development degree and background working with kids would be driving me into a full blown panic screaming at our doctor that something is wrong.
Needless to say the birth of my son and the diagnosis following his birth one week later sent me on an emotional plummet into a dark hole.
Saturday night after Liam's party my sweet friend Ellen called me. She brought up the negative emotions that surrounded Liam's birth. But she also brought up how good God is in restoring joy.
Liam is an absolute delight. He is very small for his age, doesn't have any teeth yet, doesn't really vocalize too much, and as far as physical milestones go he is sitting independently. All of this makes him appear to be about 6 months old. But he is 1 and in other ways you can tell he's older. He holds his cup which has a straw like a big boy and drinks it. It looks ridiculously cute because the cup is bigger than his face. He waves all the time. If you look at him and smile he cocks his little head to the side, gives an adorable little grin and waves and waves and waves. I can't even stand it =)
So yes, I would agree with Ellen. God most certainly restored to us the joy that was absent at Liam's birth.
The first year was so much more challenging and so much greater at the same time than I ever thought it could be. Liam has more than exceeded our expectations from what we thought when we first learned about 49XXXXY. And my personal journey over the last year has challenged me deeply.
I told Joe that I think as far as Liam goes this first year was probably the easiest. I can get a little sad and anxious thinking about what awaits us. Liam will most likely wear orthotics to stabilize his joints as he begins to walk, there is a great potential for behavioral issues because of his delay in verbal communication, and I can't help but wonder if I'll ever hear that sweet boy say, "Mama," as apraxia/dyspraxia sits like a small, quiet, but steady threat in the back of my mind.
But I cannot go there. I have to take it one day at a time. And today, I am so thankful to God for His faithfulness and goodness in the perfect gift that is Liam and the restored joy.
Thanks for sharing, Megan! So deep. Made me think of that Josh Garrels song, "Farther Along".
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