What is joy anyway?

Joy...

What does it even mean? It's not the same thing as being happy. And believe me when I tell you that my happiness is up and down and all over the place. You can have joy and not be happy. And I think that you can have a moment of happiness and not have joy. But still the question remains....what is joy?

A wise friend once told me that joy is a prayerful choice. A choice. That means I make the decision. That means I have chosen my current state of sorrow. I'm not so sure I like that. And maybe what's even harder to grasp is that I'm not sure how to choose my way out of this.

I used to have joy. It used to bubble out of me and sustain me. It was my most treasured gift from my God. I'm not sure where I left it but if it was a gift then it still is a gift. It is mine and I want it back. Jesus told his disciples that he loved them and that by keeping his commandments they would abide in his love. He said,

"These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full." ~John 15:11(esv)

So by walking with Christ, abiding in his love, and obeying his commands, I can have JOY. Beautiful, right? Not too hard when you read it, but for me, at this point in time, this is harder than anything I have ever done (and I've been in labor for 15 hours and delivered an 8lb baby).

WELCOME to MY JOURNEY.

I'm not sure who you are or if you'll care. I'm not sure if this is for me, you, Him, or maybe no one at all. What I do know is that I am searching and I am confident that as I seek God I will find my joy. I have to have confidence in that. If I cannot trust; then I have nothing.

This is my now, this is my then, and this is my future....full of joy.