Contentment Where I Am

To be content living where I am is not easy for me. Even as a small child I can remember not being content where my family lived even though I never wanted to leave them and I had no clue what lay beyond my world in the rural tobacco farmland of south central Virginia. I like to think that this discontentment I've felt with the place I am living is a result of my soul longing for my Home. My soul knowing and understanding that this place in the universe designed by our Creator for us to live out our earthly lives was never intended to be our home. My soul longing to be with Him.

Sure it's wonderful to know and understand that I'm not home yet but the truth is God places us wherever we are with a specific purpose in mind. Ultimately that is to labor for His harvest, bringing souls to the kingdom and ultimately glory to His name.

This country girl never could have imagined or chosen to make San Francisco, California home. I would have thought raising my children in this place would happen....NEVER. But here we are. Both of my kids were born in this city and this is the home they know.

I could allow myself to get lost in the things that make being here so hard. And sometimes I most definitely do that. It is so hard living thousands of miles from family. I grew up with grandparents just down the road, my kids see theirs weekly on skype and in person a few times a year. I cannot call my mom to watch the kids when I'm sick or just need a break. I cannot believe how much wonder the sight of cow brings to Sophie Grace because she is not growing up with them grazing next door. And will my children think that Mimi and Grandpa live in a big park because Golden Gate Park is the biggest expanse of green and trees they ever see? 

My kids are growing up in a flat. In the ugliest building on our block. But wow, we have 3 bedrooms and 2 full baths, a parking spot and laundry in our building, and that my friends is something else in the city. Our outer walls are all of an inch from the houses on either side of us and the space out back that could in fact be a nice little back yard where the kids could play is overgrown with weeds and thorns. 

So, I live in the city far from family and it gets lonely and it gets hard and I long for an escape. 

But then I remember why we are here and I can reflect on how God has changed my heart for this place, for these people.

So here is my second Thanksgiving Thursday...for San Francisco.

I am thankful that my kids get to go to the zoo and once a  month, just because we live here, it's free! We get to see and marvel at exotic animals and stand amazed at the wonder of God's creation.

Exactly 1.8 miles west of our house lies the vast expanse of the mighty Pacific. It is amazing. The always cold waters are crashing in rhythm against sandy beaches broken up by rocky cliffs and it is stunning. I am thankful.

We get to walk to the library, the market for fresh fruits and veggies, all kinds of stores for things we might need, museums, playgrounds, Starbucks for pumpkin spice lattes :) We walk there! I grew up having to drive at least 5 miles, if not much, much more to do any of that stuff. I am thankful for the convenience of the city.

I am looking for things to be grateful for so that I can choose to be content where I am. Searching for joy in the midst of what is so hard. And then, in a night of prayer at the church we absolutely love the reality hits me.

What a privilege to be living in a city with just under one million of God's most prized creation. People are here, everywhere. People He made in His image. People He created to be in relationship with Him. People, who for the most part, do not know Him. And my heart is broken. He loves them! He is the God of this city, these are His people and He longs for them. Can you imagine what God could do in San Francisco if the people turned to Him? Can you imagine what the eyes of our nation and even the world would see if all of a sudden this place became an abundant harvest of souls choosing to live in relationship with their Creator because they know and accept the Savior? 

I am so thankful. Thankful for First Baptist Church San Francisco, and the others in this city who share a vision to reach the people of this city. Thankful for this beautiful city, in one of the most beautiful locations, full of beautiful people He loves. 

I am thankful that even though sometimes I long to be living anywhere else, God has chosen for our family to be here right now and I "beseech the Lord of the harvest" to show me exactly how He wants to use me and my family to share who He is in this city. 

If ever He calls us to move on from this place, I certainly will have left my heart (at least in part) in San Francisco.

Fighting the Thief

Before I left New York someone told me,

"Do not let Satan steal your joy. It is a gift from God."

Those words have been prophetic. In the nearly 6 years since that day I have been in a fight for joy. Which is why this blog has the name it does. I have been looking, searching, and for the most part coming up empty. And the fault is mine. Rather than look in the one place to only One where it can be found, I've been looking everywhere and finding nothing. And I am weary.

In my last post I wrote that I am reading Ann Voskamp's, One Thousand Gifts. The book is challenging me to thanksgiving and it is transforming and do you know what comes from giving thanks to the One who set it all in motion? JOY.

So I am reading Luke, seeing and hearing Jesus. The One. And I am finding throughout Paul's letters that always, always he calls his readers to be thankful in prayer and to do everything with thanksgiving (Colossians 4.2; 3.16). You can find it throughout the New Testament but Colossians is full of it and our church just finished a sermon series on that letter so it is fresh for me.

Since last night I have been meditating on this,

"Devote yourselves to prayer, keeping alert in it with an attitude of thanksgiving."
Colossians 4.2

An attitude of thanksgiving. I think this means always, every day. I am trying to put this into practice and have challenged myself each week from now until Thanksgiving to write here about how I am practicing thanksgiving over the last week. And here is my first week:

I am thankful for bright sun breaking up the fog and giving us sunny, warm days here in the City by the Bay. For fall and all that comes with it, school, football, and pumpkin spice =)

I am thankful for God prompting the hearts of people to generosity. As we raise our funding to be serving college students here in this city I am privileged and humbled by those supporting us from the beginning and new partners letting us know that God is leading them to contribute. WOW. Blessed.

I am thankful for the theology that spills out of the mouth of my daughter, an overflow from her heart, as we walk the city streets and she tells me about all the places God is because, "He's every where mommy!" And it delights her.

I am thankful for the little voice I hear at 6am talking. He is speaking actual words! He has around 50 and it is growing daily and I've waited so long to hear him and when I walk in the room he says "mama." It is pure joy! This, that was so devastating to us a little over 2 years ago. Bringing us into mourning for the child he would never be. How could we have not rejoiced in the good God planned knowing that he was exactly perfect for us and us exactly perfect for him?!?!

Thanksgiving brings joy and you know what else? It is pushing me into love with my Savior.

Thanksgiving Thursday.