Today is his birthday. It's been five years. Five years. It feels like a big milestone. He is five years old today. We are five years as "special" parents. We've made it five years.
Five years ago this day was without a doubt the weirdest and hardest day of my life. This tiny little boy came bursting into our lives, completely unexpected. The anticipation was great awaiting the arrival of our second child. I was one week overdue and we spent April 20, 2011 calling the hospital every few hours to see if they had space for me to come in for an induction. By the evening I was finally in labor and able to go in. I was excited and felt like an old pro because I'd done this once before. This time I was pregnant for two weeks longer than the first time and even more eager to meet this baby and experience the joy of seeing and holding your newborn. But that joy lasted for only a moment. Then I was holding the tiniest little boy and wondering who in the world this was and then they took him and we knew. We knew that something wasn't right. And just like that, joy left the day and in it's place was the strangest feeling. I think my only thought and prayer was, "Please Lord, let him live."
And oh how he lives! He is happy and endearing. I think people sort of find him irresistible. He loves everyone and it seems that everyone who knows him loves him back :) I'm so thankful that God put us in the place we are for this season. Liam has a ministry. We truly believe that. For those of you who know him and see him I think you know this. And for those of you who aren't here, I wish you could see it. I know God has used and will continue to use Liam to minister to people. Our Father is so good! He perfectly placed us right where we are to be surrounded with the support Liam needs and people who love him and our family. His goodness is overwhelming to me.
Liam wanted one thing for his birthday, chocolate cake. Which of course we will have with dinner tonight. And he wanted people to eat dinner with him. He wanted all of his grandparents and he wanted another sweet and special family to join us. And of course, who can say no to Liam? The grandparents can't be here but his friends will be. A family who do not have any children close to his age and Liam loves every single one of them, kids and adults, like they're his best friends in the world. Thanks for loving him guys :)
Of course this is Liam's day but my best friend said to me today that it's also my day. It's my special mama birthday. God has used Liam to minister to me as well. We are facing a big transition. The move to Kindergarten. It has stirred up all the feels, just like his birth, diagnosis, and transition to preschool did. All I can do is trust. Trust that God loves him and holds him in His hand. I'm not always good at that.
But today we celebrate with all the joy. All the joy we lost five years ago today replaced with a joy we could not have imagined. We celebrate five years of ups and downs. Five years of knowing him and loving him. Five years of facing that he's different but knowing that he's special. Five years. We wouldn't trade them. He's ours and we could not be more proud of our sweet Liam James. Happy Birthday little man! We love, love, love you!
Thursday, April 21, 2016
Friday, August 28, 2015
An Overwhelming Weight
Sometimes the weight overwhelms me...
The bad. The ugly. The SIN.
The darkness inside runs deep. It festers and seeps out. It encroaches on and is intent on extinguishing the light. The overflow spills out and reveals itself. And guilt and shame threaten to hold me down. Instinct bids me hide. The retreat allows the darkness to grow, or is it the light diminishing?
And so I'm overwhelmed. It is bad. Ugly. SIN.
"Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst." ~ 1 Timothy 1:15
I am the worst.
It steadily resounds within me. It cripples and is a wicked thief. I'm robbed of contentment, confidence, and joy. And even worse, I shove the gift away. I don't trust. I don't accept. I am the worst.
But the Giver refuses to let go.
The power of the gift is too great to resist. It whispers soft and warm and light.
GRACE.
Grace born out of a love so deep I cannot comprehend it. Manifested in a sacrifice so great it crushes. And ultimately it remains a power indescribable.
"For the word of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." ~ 1 Corinthians 1:18
"Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners..."
It is undeserved. I strive to make myself worthy. To deserve the gift. But I cannot attain it. I struggle to see past my sin. It is an ugly and selfish place to be. It is DARK.
But the Giver is faithful. He is faithful when I am not. He faithfully reminds me that I have accepted His gift. In the dark and in the striving the power of grace whispers light.
"'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.'" ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9
His grace is enough. He is enough. His power is enough. And confession brings in light to dispel the darkness. And repentance lifts the crushing weight of guilt and shame and regret. And His grace pours out and over and in.
And I am overwhelmed by the weight of His love.
The bad. The ugly. The SIN.
The darkness inside runs deep. It festers and seeps out. It encroaches on and is intent on extinguishing the light. The overflow spills out and reveals itself. And guilt and shame threaten to hold me down. Instinct bids me hide. The retreat allows the darkness to grow, or is it the light diminishing?
And so I'm overwhelmed. It is bad. Ugly. SIN.
"Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst." ~ 1 Timothy 1:15
I am the worst.
It steadily resounds within me. It cripples and is a wicked thief. I'm robbed of contentment, confidence, and joy. And even worse, I shove the gift away. I don't trust. I don't accept. I am the worst.
But the Giver refuses to let go.
The power of the gift is too great to resist. It whispers soft and warm and light.
GRACE.
Grace born out of a love so deep I cannot comprehend it. Manifested in a sacrifice so great it crushes. And ultimately it remains a power indescribable.
"For the word of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God." ~ 1 Corinthians 1:18
"Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners..."
It is undeserved. I strive to make myself worthy. To deserve the gift. But I cannot attain it. I struggle to see past my sin. It is an ugly and selfish place to be. It is DARK.
But the Giver is faithful. He is faithful when I am not. He faithfully reminds me that I have accepted His gift. In the dark and in the striving the power of grace whispers light.
"'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.'" ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9
His grace is enough. He is enough. His power is enough. And confession brings in light to dispel the darkness. And repentance lifts the crushing weight of guilt and shame and regret. And His grace pours out and over and in.
And I am overwhelmed by the weight of His love.
Thursday, April 16, 2015
Almost 4
Each year as Liam's birthday approaches I find myself reflecting on the time of his birth and the weeks following. In five days my sweet little man will be 4. This year he finally understands and for weeks now has been saying daily,
"Mommy, it birfday amost."
"Yes Liam. It's almost your birthday. How old will you be?"
"I free."
You're three now but how old will you be on your birthday?"
"Fie!" This is said with a cheeky little grin because he knows but he likes to play.
"Not five yet, how old will you be?"
"Four!"
And each time we walk up the stairs, we are counting as we go, and when we hit four Liam never fails to shout out,
"I four! It birfday amost!"
"It's almost Liam's birthday. What do you want for your birthday?"
"My presents. Chocolate!"
And my heart rejoices because he walks. He talks. And he is funny. He is happy. He prays. He sings. He is just so perfectly, wonderfully Liam. He fits into our family so well. We wouldn't change a thing. Not a moment of those dark months after he was born, not any little part of what makes Liam, Liam. He is so loved and he loves so well.
Sunday, April 20, 2014
Hope
I've been sitting on a blog post for a while now. This one in particular is actually a testimony that I wrote out a few months ago. We were asked to share our testimony about Liam and it was then videoed and shared one Sunday as part of the sermon series we just finished. You can view that video here and then clicking on our names on the list.
On this night 3 years ago we were at the hospital awaiting the arrival of "Ruthie." It seems strange and surreal looking back on it now. Our journey is still young but the theme is most definitely HOPE...
On this night 3 years ago we were at the hospital awaiting the arrival of "Ruthie." It seems strange and surreal looking back on it now. Our journey is still young but the theme is most definitely HOPE...
April 21, 2011 should have been a day full of joy and excitement as we welcomed our second child into the family. However, that day could easily go down as one of the hardest days of our lives. When Liam entered the world things were immediately “weird” as he was not the daughter we were expecting. As soon as the nurses began their examination of him we recognized immediately that there was some whispering going on that led us to believe something was not okay. We spent the first 24 hours of his life meeting various specialists, having tests (bloodwork, ultrasound), and just trying to trust God for peace and knowing that things would be fine. One week later we received a phone call that absolutely devasted us, our son, wouldn’t be a “typical” little boy. He probably wouldn’t play on a sports team or take a girl to prom. He probably wouldn’t go to college or get married one day. We immediately began to grieve for that little boy we’d lost and I (Megan) remember questioning God. I didn’t question why He would give us a special needs child, I questioned why He would do that our son. Why would He allow our son to face these unknown challenges and be robbed of a “normal” life? How is that just?
Those first six months of Liam’s life are referred to as “The Black Hole” in our little family. They were hard and sad and I’m not so sure we remember much. But they couldn’t have been totally black because we do remember clinging to hope and truth. We could not have survived without believing and knowing that the Creator, who gives life, ordains life, made this little boy and made him with a purpose.
We had no control over the line-up and organization of Liam’s chromosomes. And maybe we shouldn’t have been surprised that expectations are something that do not control outcomes. We all learn that in our walks with the Lord, no matter our circumstances but I think we forget. So we have been blown away at God’s goodness in the life of our little boy and our family. Liam has exceeded expectations. He is nothing that we thought he would be in those early days. Of course we still have a lifetime to go in this journey, but what we know, the hope we have in Christ, is that this is not in fact, a “black hole.”
During those 6 months of “The Black Hole” I can remember having conversations with Joe and among friends that I needed a redeeming experience. I wanted a do over. A friend brought up to me recently that she remembers me telling her I just had this need to end on a good note. I think that this was a feeling I experienced more so than Joe. Just as a mother I wanted, needed, to have one more baby where things would be “normal.” Liam’s birth not only robbed us of the joy parents experience in welcoming a new child but for me it also robbed me of the any of the joy I’d felt in the pregnancy and the first six months of his life and I wanted a do over.
It really isn’t easy to say stuff like that. I guess it could sound, well, not great and it certainly is not a good reason to have another child. At this point Liam is just what our family needed (which of course the Lord knew) and we wouldn’t trade who he is for what he could have been. No way. But God really does love us and He really does hear us and sometimes He really does give us the desire of our hearts.
Both of us are overwhelmed at His goodness and love and overflowing with joy in the anticipation of the new addition to our family coming in July. This baby represents hope and redemption. I admit that the thought of another biological child has at times been terrifying. What if it doesn’t go well? What if something is different about this baby too? Will we spend an entire pregnancy in fear and anxiety until we see that little one and can verify that things are “normal?”
But these are things beyond our control. And who are we to dictate to God how things should be? He is the giver of life, He knows who this little one is and will be. Maybe He’s given us a sense of knowing that everything is just fine with this baby or maybe it’s from all He’s taught us through our experience with Liam but we have peace. Peace that whatever happens this time it will be okay. We have hope because we have Him.
On our wedding program we left our guests with a prayer and when I think about this theme of hope in our lives it seems to me that the Lord was speaking to us about our life together in the Word we wanted to share with those celebrating our marriage:
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” ~ Romans 15.13
Thursday, September 12, 2013
Contentment Where I Am
To be content living where I am is not easy for me. Even as a small child I can remember not being content where my family lived even though I never wanted to leave them and I had no clue what lay beyond my world in the rural tobacco farmland of south central Virginia. I like to think that this discontentment I've felt with the place I am living is a result of my soul longing for my Home. My soul knowing and understanding that this place in the universe designed by our Creator for us to live out our earthly lives was never intended to be our home. My soul longing to be with Him.
Sure it's wonderful to know and understand that I'm not home yet but the truth is God places us wherever we are with a specific purpose in mind. Ultimately that is to labor for His harvest, bringing souls to the kingdom and ultimately glory to His name.
This country girl never could have imagined or chosen to make San Francisco, California home. I would have thought raising my children in this place would happen....NEVER. But here we are. Both of my kids were born in this city and this is the home they know.
I could allow myself to get lost in the things that make being here so hard. And sometimes I most definitely do that. It is so hard living thousands of miles from family. I grew up with grandparents just down the road, my kids see theirs weekly on skype and in person a few times a year. I cannot call my mom to watch the kids when I'm sick or just need a break. I cannot believe how much wonder the sight of cow brings to Sophie Grace because she is not growing up with them grazing next door. And will my children think that Mimi and Grandpa live in a big park because Golden Gate Park is the biggest expanse of green and trees they ever see?
My kids are growing up in a flat. In the ugliest building on our block. But wow, we have 3 bedrooms and 2 full baths, a parking spot and laundry in our building, and that my friends is something else in the city. Our outer walls are all of an inch from the houses on either side of us and the space out back that could in fact be a nice little back yard where the kids could play is overgrown with weeds and thorns.
So, I live in the city far from family and it gets lonely and it gets hard and I long for an escape.
But then I remember why we are here and I can reflect on how God has changed my heart for this place, for these people.
So here is my second Thanksgiving Thursday...for San Francisco.
I am thankful that my kids get to go to the zoo and once a month, just because we live here, it's free! We get to see and marvel at exotic animals and stand amazed at the wonder of God's creation.
Exactly 1.8 miles west of our house lies the vast expanse of the mighty Pacific. It is amazing. The always cold waters are crashing in rhythm against sandy beaches broken up by rocky cliffs and it is stunning. I am thankful.
We get to walk to the library, the market for fresh fruits and veggies, all kinds of stores for things we might need, museums, playgrounds, Starbucks for pumpkin spice lattes :) We walk there! I grew up having to drive at least 5 miles, if not much, much more to do any of that stuff. I am thankful for the convenience of the city.
I am looking for things to be grateful for so that I can choose to be content where I am. Searching for joy in the midst of what is so hard. And then, in a night of prayer at the church we absolutely love the reality hits me.
What a privilege to be living in a city with just under one million of God's most prized creation. People are here, everywhere. People He made in His image. People He created to be in relationship with Him. People, who for the most part, do not know Him. And my heart is broken. He loves them! He is the God of this city, these are His people and He longs for them. Can you imagine what God could do in San Francisco if the people turned to Him? Can you imagine what the eyes of our nation and even the world would see if all of a sudden this place became an abundant harvest of souls choosing to live in relationship with their Creator because they know and accept the Savior?
I am so thankful. Thankful for First Baptist Church San Francisco, and the others in this city who share a vision to reach the people of this city. Thankful for this beautiful city, in one of the most beautiful locations, full of beautiful people He loves.
I am thankful that even though sometimes I long to be living anywhere else, God has chosen for our family to be here right now and I "beseech the Lord of the harvest" to show me exactly how He wants to use me and my family to share who He is in this city.
If ever He calls us to move on from this place, I certainly will have left my heart (at least in part) in San Francisco.
Sure it's wonderful to know and understand that I'm not home yet but the truth is God places us wherever we are with a specific purpose in mind. Ultimately that is to labor for His harvest, bringing souls to the kingdom and ultimately glory to His name.
This country girl never could have imagined or chosen to make San Francisco, California home. I would have thought raising my children in this place would happen....NEVER. But here we are. Both of my kids were born in this city and this is the home they know.
I could allow myself to get lost in the things that make being here so hard. And sometimes I most definitely do that. It is so hard living thousands of miles from family. I grew up with grandparents just down the road, my kids see theirs weekly on skype and in person a few times a year. I cannot call my mom to watch the kids when I'm sick or just need a break. I cannot believe how much wonder the sight of cow brings to Sophie Grace because she is not growing up with them grazing next door. And will my children think that Mimi and Grandpa live in a big park because Golden Gate Park is the biggest expanse of green and trees they ever see?
My kids are growing up in a flat. In the ugliest building on our block. But wow, we have 3 bedrooms and 2 full baths, a parking spot and laundry in our building, and that my friends is something else in the city. Our outer walls are all of an inch from the houses on either side of us and the space out back that could in fact be a nice little back yard where the kids could play is overgrown with weeds and thorns.
So, I live in the city far from family and it gets lonely and it gets hard and I long for an escape.
But then I remember why we are here and I can reflect on how God has changed my heart for this place, for these people.
So here is my second Thanksgiving Thursday...for San Francisco.
I am thankful that my kids get to go to the zoo and once a month, just because we live here, it's free! We get to see and marvel at exotic animals and stand amazed at the wonder of God's creation.
Exactly 1.8 miles west of our house lies the vast expanse of the mighty Pacific. It is amazing. The always cold waters are crashing in rhythm against sandy beaches broken up by rocky cliffs and it is stunning. I am thankful.
We get to walk to the library, the market for fresh fruits and veggies, all kinds of stores for things we might need, museums, playgrounds, Starbucks for pumpkin spice lattes :) We walk there! I grew up having to drive at least 5 miles, if not much, much more to do any of that stuff. I am thankful for the convenience of the city.
I am looking for things to be grateful for so that I can choose to be content where I am. Searching for joy in the midst of what is so hard. And then, in a night of prayer at the church we absolutely love the reality hits me.
What a privilege to be living in a city with just under one million of God's most prized creation. People are here, everywhere. People He made in His image. People He created to be in relationship with Him. People, who for the most part, do not know Him. And my heart is broken. He loves them! He is the God of this city, these are His people and He longs for them. Can you imagine what God could do in San Francisco if the people turned to Him? Can you imagine what the eyes of our nation and even the world would see if all of a sudden this place became an abundant harvest of souls choosing to live in relationship with their Creator because they know and accept the Savior?
I am so thankful. Thankful for First Baptist Church San Francisco, and the others in this city who share a vision to reach the people of this city. Thankful for this beautiful city, in one of the most beautiful locations, full of beautiful people He loves.
I am thankful that even though sometimes I long to be living anywhere else, God has chosen for our family to be here right now and I "beseech the Lord of the harvest" to show me exactly how He wants to use me and my family to share who He is in this city.
If ever He calls us to move on from this place, I certainly will have left my heart (at least in part) in San Francisco.
Thursday, September 5, 2013
Fighting the Thief
Before I left New York someone told me,
"Do not let Satan steal your joy. It is a gift from God."
Those words have been prophetic. In the nearly 6 years since that day I have been in a fight for joy. Which is why this blog has the name it does. I have been looking, searching, and for the most part coming up empty. And the fault is mine. Rather than look in the one place to only One where it can be found, I've been looking everywhere and finding nothing. And I am weary.
In my last post I wrote that I am reading Ann Voskamp's, One Thousand Gifts. The book is challenging me to thanksgiving and it is transforming and do you know what comes from giving thanks to the One who set it all in motion? JOY.
So I am reading Luke, seeing and hearing Jesus. The One. And I am finding throughout Paul's letters that always, always he calls his readers to be thankful in prayer and to do everything with thanksgiving (Colossians 4.2; 3.16). You can find it throughout the New Testament but Colossians is full of it and our church just finished a sermon series on that letter so it is fresh for me.
Since last night I have been meditating on this,
"Devote yourselves to prayer, keeping alert in it with an attitude of thanksgiving."
Colossians 4.2
An attitude of thanksgiving. I think this means always, every day. I am trying to put this into practice and have challenged myself each week from now until Thanksgiving to write here about how I am practicing thanksgiving over the last week. And here is my first week:
I am thankful for bright sun breaking up the fog and giving us sunny, warm days here in the City by the Bay. For fall and all that comes with it, school, football, and pumpkin spice =)
I am thankful for God prompting the hearts of people to generosity. As we raise our funding to be serving college students here in this city I am privileged and humbled by those supporting us from the beginning and new partners letting us know that God is leading them to contribute. WOW. Blessed.
I am thankful for the theology that spills out of the mouth of my daughter, an overflow from her heart, as we walk the city streets and she tells me about all the places God is because, "He's every where mommy!" And it delights her.
I am thankful for the little voice I hear at 6am talking. He is speaking actual words! He has around 50 and it is growing daily and I've waited so long to hear him and when I walk in the room he says "mama." It is pure joy! This, that was so devastating to us a little over 2 years ago. Bringing us into mourning for the child he would never be. How could we have not rejoiced in the good God planned knowing that he was exactly perfect for us and us exactly perfect for him?!?!
Thanksgiving brings joy and you know what else? It is pushing me into love with my Savior.
Thanksgiving Thursday.
"Do not let Satan steal your joy. It is a gift from God."
Those words have been prophetic. In the nearly 6 years since that day I have been in a fight for joy. Which is why this blog has the name it does. I have been looking, searching, and for the most part coming up empty. And the fault is mine. Rather than look in the one place to only One where it can be found, I've been looking everywhere and finding nothing. And I am weary.
In my last post I wrote that I am reading Ann Voskamp's, One Thousand Gifts. The book is challenging me to thanksgiving and it is transforming and do you know what comes from giving thanks to the One who set it all in motion? JOY.
So I am reading Luke, seeing and hearing Jesus. The One. And I am finding throughout Paul's letters that always, always he calls his readers to be thankful in prayer and to do everything with thanksgiving (Colossians 4.2; 3.16). You can find it throughout the New Testament but Colossians is full of it and our church just finished a sermon series on that letter so it is fresh for me.
Since last night I have been meditating on this,
"Devote yourselves to prayer, keeping alert in it with an attitude of thanksgiving."
Colossians 4.2
An attitude of thanksgiving. I think this means always, every day. I am trying to put this into practice and have challenged myself each week from now until Thanksgiving to write here about how I am practicing thanksgiving over the last week. And here is my first week:
I am thankful for bright sun breaking up the fog and giving us sunny, warm days here in the City by the Bay. For fall and all that comes with it, school, football, and pumpkin spice =)
I am thankful for God prompting the hearts of people to generosity. As we raise our funding to be serving college students here in this city I am privileged and humbled by those supporting us from the beginning and new partners letting us know that God is leading them to contribute. WOW. Blessed.
I am thankful for the theology that spills out of the mouth of my daughter, an overflow from her heart, as we walk the city streets and she tells me about all the places God is because, "He's every where mommy!" And it delights her.
I am thankful for the little voice I hear at 6am talking. He is speaking actual words! He has around 50 and it is growing daily and I've waited so long to hear him and when I walk in the room he says "mama." It is pure joy! This, that was so devastating to us a little over 2 years ago. Bringing us into mourning for the child he would never be. How could we have not rejoiced in the good God planned knowing that he was exactly perfect for us and us exactly perfect for him?!?!
Thanksgiving brings joy and you know what else? It is pushing me into love with my Savior.
Thanksgiving Thursday.
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Legacy
I am being touched, moved by a legacy.
I did not know Christina well. She was a passing hello and exchange of the typical how are you and what's new in the hallways of Golden Gate Baptist Theological Seminary and the friendly smile that greeted us with welcome and coffee as we walked into the doors of First Baptist Church San Francisco on Sunday mornings. I admired her unique style and often remember loving a dress she was wearing or an accessory choice. But this week as she passed from earth into eternity with our Savior I find myself deeply impacted by her legacy.
My news feed is bombarded with pictures and posts her close friends and family are sharing that celebrate her life. It is unquestionable that her life touched many and that her legacy is one that reflects the character of Christ. Selflessness, generosity, joy, and gentleness are continually mentioned or described (along with adventure and coffee:)). If you don't know Christina and you want to see what I'm talking about please read Sarah's memories.
This summer the Lord has been calling me to examine my life and how I'm making an impact. I have been awakened to my faults in relationship. Relationship with Him and with others. The biggest revelation has come in the last few weeks as I began reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp which, coupled with our current sermon series at FBCSF on Colossians, led me to Luke and the life of Jesus (trust me, it led me there :)).
Discontentment. That's where I've been living. And slowly He's opening my eyes to where He is in every day. And I'm rejoicing in thanksgiving. And I'm eager for transformation and desperately longing for joy and contentment in any circumstance, any where. My eyes are searching for Him in my day to day and finding Him every where.
And I see Him in Christina's legacy.
And I want desperately, when all that's left of me are memories, for my legacy to be Him.
So today I am thankful for Christina and her legacy. I am thankful that God uses the lives of people who are passing acquaintances on this earth to reveal to us more of Him. Thankful that the lives of other believers challenge the way I'm living the faith.
I know that Christina's legacy is touching thousands and many are strangers; people who never knew her in this life but who have now been touched by the life she lived. And those people are giving back to her family and friends and legacy through the creativity and thoughtfulness of Sarah and others who love her (see Sarah's blog again for how you can too :)). I hope that by writing this blog and sharing how the Lord is using Christina's legacy to teach me I can pass her legacy on to many others who will see Jesus in the life she lived.
I'm challenged to live my life now in a way that will leave a legacy of Him. To focus on Him and the eternal rather than what is earthly and temporary. To be content and full of joy because of the thanksgiving I give to Him for His grace. I'll leave you with this scripture which has been playing itself over and over in my mind as I consider legacy:
"Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal." ~ 2 Corinthians 4.16-18
I did not know Christina well. She was a passing hello and exchange of the typical how are you and what's new in the hallways of Golden Gate Baptist Theological Seminary and the friendly smile that greeted us with welcome and coffee as we walked into the doors of First Baptist Church San Francisco on Sunday mornings. I admired her unique style and often remember loving a dress she was wearing or an accessory choice. But this week as she passed from earth into eternity with our Savior I find myself deeply impacted by her legacy.
My news feed is bombarded with pictures and posts her close friends and family are sharing that celebrate her life. It is unquestionable that her life touched many and that her legacy is one that reflects the character of Christ. Selflessness, generosity, joy, and gentleness are continually mentioned or described (along with adventure and coffee:)). If you don't know Christina and you want to see what I'm talking about please read Sarah's memories.
This summer the Lord has been calling me to examine my life and how I'm making an impact. I have been awakened to my faults in relationship. Relationship with Him and with others. The biggest revelation has come in the last few weeks as I began reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp which, coupled with our current sermon series at FBCSF on Colossians, led me to Luke and the life of Jesus (trust me, it led me there :)).
Discontentment. That's where I've been living. And slowly He's opening my eyes to where He is in every day. And I'm rejoicing in thanksgiving. And I'm eager for transformation and desperately longing for joy and contentment in any circumstance, any where. My eyes are searching for Him in my day to day and finding Him every where.
And I see Him in Christina's legacy.
And I want desperately, when all that's left of me are memories, for my legacy to be Him.
So today I am thankful for Christina and her legacy. I am thankful that God uses the lives of people who are passing acquaintances on this earth to reveal to us more of Him. Thankful that the lives of other believers challenge the way I'm living the faith.
I know that Christina's legacy is touching thousands and many are strangers; people who never knew her in this life but who have now been touched by the life she lived. And those people are giving back to her family and friends and legacy through the creativity and thoughtfulness of Sarah and others who love her (see Sarah's blog again for how you can too :)). I hope that by writing this blog and sharing how the Lord is using Christina's legacy to teach me I can pass her legacy on to many others who will see Jesus in the life she lived.
I'm challenged to live my life now in a way that will leave a legacy of Him. To focus on Him and the eternal rather than what is earthly and temporary. To be content and full of joy because of the thanksgiving I give to Him for His grace. I'll leave you with this scripture which has been playing itself over and over in my mind as I consider legacy:
"Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal." ~ 2 Corinthians 4.16-18
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